Starbucks Zombie Frappuccino: Oh, a Horror

Over a summer, a Unicorn Frappuccino took a Instagram set by storm, putting what we suspicion was a spike in a coffin of unicorn dishes forever, yet no (nayyyyy, if it behooves you). For many like a Night King resurrects a slain dragon into a blue fire-spewing undead beast, so hath Starbucks summoned a passed to arise again.

Yes, a Zombie Frap is a bit like a Unicorn Frap, colorful and Laffy Taffy-ish, solely that it’s usually a meagre 290 calories per unchanging sequence — that’s grande for a rewards label holders — as against to a unicorn’s 410 calories. The frap is sprinkled with a Green Tart Caramel Apple Powder and a puzzling plant-derived Pink Powder and is laced with tentacles of thick Zombie Mocha Drizzle. The splash is not unequivocally stoical of “food” so many as a chemicals indispensable to safety your physique from a inside out, self-mummification being one of a many underrated Starbucks Rewards perks (terms and conditions apply). Atop sits a brain-like mass of pinkish churned cream.

The initial sip sends we behind to center propagandize when those sinful caramel apple lollipops initial seemed out of a cloying sky with their guarantee of tooth spoil and what seemed to be candied hot dog barf on a stick.

“It looks like you’re celebration guts,” a colleague pronounced of a Zombie Frap once we was behind during a office. Drinking being a relations term, since nobody over 12 will endure even a venti portion of this revolting mess. we was left crankier than usual, hunched over my desk, a Wilford Brimley in need of oatmeal and some diabetes brochures.


The drink, after carrying persperate on my table for half an hour more, began to apart and turn off like touristy pastel silt art done to demeanour like nightfall in a jar, solely this didn’t demeanour like a sunset. More like a fecundated pond, a form that always has some arrange of 90-foot engulf quadruped watchful during a bottom to drag we underneath when you’re only perplexing to tan by a fecundated pool on your summer break. Get away, it seemed to warn.

I tossed it out and am sincerely certain it ate by a rubbish can in a Houston Press’s kitchen, uncertain as we was if we could indeed rinse it down a drain.

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With all that in mind, it’s still going to be formidable to find a zombie frap in Houston for Halloween. When we called a Starbucks on Louisiana in Midtown to see if they’re also carrying it, a barista told me they were out. “We do have a Frappula, though.”

“The Frappula?”

“It’s a white chocolate mocha frappuccino with strawberry puree on top.”

Sounds like a bloody disaster that we shall leave be.

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